What we’re skipping so the season feels better (not busier)
toy-count comparisons, forced photos, and other expectations we are leaving in the past.
Holiday season is here… and before things spiral into gift piles and sugar crashes, I want to name a few things we are not doing this year. Here’s what we’re skipping, and what we’re doing instead to keep it a little bit calmer, lighter, and a little more fun for everyone.
We are not going to compare how many toys our child is getting with how many toys someone else’s child is getting. Repeat after me: Kids remember how we made them feel; they don’t remember how many toys they got. My formula? One wow toy and then think about what your child already loves, and build from there. More tiles, more people, more animal figures that will help them expand on the themes they’re exploring. Kids don’t need a lot of toys, but they do need materials that can represent their world. The fewer instructions, the better.
We’re not forcing holiday cheer. If your kid won’t smile in the matching pajamas photo or doesn’t want to sit on Santa’s lap, we are letting it go. Holiday magic isn’t made through perfect Instagram posts; it is made by lowering the bar when everyone’s overstimulated. The best photos, in my opinion, are the unposed, tousled hair, sticky fingers, and hot chocolate moustaches that happen naturally. Snap a picture of your kids when they are laughing, playing, or snacking. Those are the pictures you’ll cherish when they’re grown.
We’re not signing up for every event and saying yes to every party invite, holiday walk, and school fair. And the ones you do go to? We aren’t expecting them to “be grateful” and “behave,” because we are going to remember that when kids are off their routine, over tired, and super excited, it is not their choice to behave a certain way.
Here are three things we ARE going to do this year so that we can “make magic” without the side of resentment.
Instead of complicated holiday crafts, we are rolling out some butcher paper on the table, drawing a few snowmen, candy canes, and Santa hats with a sharpie, and letting the kids color, sticker, and paint them however they want. In the lines, out of the lines, no one cares. Put out a little plate of cookies and some candy canes, and magic is made without you spending all your time, money, and energy putting together a complicated craft that they engage with for under two minutes.
If you are lucky enough to have generous relatives, here’s one of the smartest things we ever did with holiday gifts: Instead of having every grandparent, aunt, and uncle buy something separate, we picked one big gift and had everyone chip in. For us, it was magnetic tiles. One person got the base set. Someone else added wheels. Another added the curved pieces. That one set became the thing they played with for years. Towers, habitats, car garages — you name it. It was still exciting. It still felt like a big gift. But instead of three random toys that get ignored by January, we had one system that they came back to again and again. The best part? A decade later, those same tiles are still in play. So if your family’s asking what to get your kid, start here. One wow. Open-ended support. But make it a group project. So when grandma texts asking for ideas, send her this strategy.
We are scheduling in time for rest and quiet time with just as much urgency and importance as we schedule the holiday party, the gift exchange, and a visit to the creepy mall Santa.
What are you letting go of this season, and what feels worth it?
I am an expert at play, toys, and all things childhood, and I love sharing those with you. But every once in a while, I also like to share a few of my favorite grown-up things with you, because you guys feel a little bit like my group chat.
Here are those things…
This Fall, I started rewatching Dawson’s Creek from the very beginning (Pacey forever). While the first season was a little tough to get through (I forgot how annoying Dawson is?!), I stuck with it, and I don’t know if I am proud or embarrassed to admit that I finally finished watching all six seasons… OMG, it was so good. Katie Holmes and Joshua Jackson are currently working on a new project together, and I am so here for it.
Merit face oil: Used to be winter-only. Now my skin drinks it all year. I just reordered my third bottle. I started with a mini bottle to make sure I liked it before investing in the big one.
I used to be a big wine drinker, but in the last few years, I’ve cut waaay back to the occasional glass when out to dinner. I do, however, love a Cann, especially the lemon lavender social tonic. It feels like less than a glass of wine, but more than a club soda. They are having a 30% off sale right now, and we just stocked up.
If you follow me on IG, you know my Rothy’s have been the star of my fall lineup. They’re super comfortable, washable, and easy to slide on and off. Most people say to size up one. I didn’t and was fine, but wanted to share that feedback just in case. They’re having 30% off right now.
I am currently in love with this Thinking MU navy vest that I rented in this month’s Nuuly. I’ve wanted one forever, but I couldn’t justify purchasing it at $247. I am thinking of snagging this old navy dupe tho.
I am crushing hard on this gold cluster charcuterie tray; it is on my holiday wish list.
I fell for this cat origami set on TikTok and purchased it thinking it would be such a cute way to hang with my tween… Um. It is impossible, the directions make no sense, and the video it links to does not exist! So, if you, like me, are being targeted to buy these cat origami ads, consider yourself warned.
I took a reading/ audiobook listening hiatus when I was deep in Dawson’s Creek, but I did listen to this one and loved it!
Earlier this week, I went live for the first time here on Substack with my friend Vanessa Cornell. We chatted all about letting go of being an A+ mom and why it is so important for our kids and for us as women. Thanks to those who joined, and if you want to check it out, here is the link.
I am so excited for Thanksgiving week, you guys!! Nate, my oldest, is coming home from college for a few days, and I am over here acting like he is a soldier returning from war. I’m trying to keep my expectations low, knowing he’s certainly more excited to see his friends, the dog, and sleep in his own bed than he is excited to see his old mom, but I just cannot wait!! The feeling in our house is so different without him here. I can’t wait for it to swell with sibling banter, piles of shoes at the back door, and laughter drifting up the stairs as he and his friends grab a late-night snack in the kitchen.
Wishing all of you a peaceful Thanksgiving week ahead.
Here’s to fewer meltdowns (the adult kind), less hustle, and a little more breathing room. If you’ve got your own “not this year” list, I’d love to hear it.
x. Lizzie
