I stopped making more rules and started opening the boxes.
If you’re trying to get your kids to look up from their screens a little more, I want to tell you what happened when I stopped making more rules and started opening the boxes for them.
Creating more screen time rules that we both knew would eventually get broken was driving me (and my kids) crazy.
I was making side comments like, “Look up!” and “Get your head out of your phone.” Not only does this passive commenting not work, it also made the mood at home sour. I wouldn’t talk to another adult or child that way, and my kids deserve the same respect from me.
But… It was driving me absolutely nuts to see the tops of their heads all the time as they bent over a screen, completely ignoring one another, immersed somewhere far away, while literally sitting right in front of me.
I know this is something parents are collectively dealing with as technology becomes more and more a part of the lives of our children. So, I focused on controlling the controllables in the only way I know how. I zeroed in on play. I started taking a few toys at a time, out of the abandoned playroom, out of the bins and boxes they lived in, and started putting them on trays and in clear jars around my house.
A tray of brightly colored wheelies in the den where they congregate with friends.
Colorful tubes and wheels on the coffee table in the kitchen where they drop their backpacks and plop down on the couch after school.
Markers and stickers on my kitchen counter top, where they perch on barstools eating a snack or waiting for dinner to come out of the oven. (Paid subs, details are in The Sticker Edit!)
And then something happened in the in-between times where they’d automatically rely on screens to pass the time.
Their heads were back up. Their hands were clicking cubes together, they were laughing and sharing more. With me and with each other.
Their friends started to look into the jars on the tables, as soon as they arrived, anticipating what was inside. They’d eagerly doodle a quick pattern or a picture with the markers on the counter top, before heading off to play video games. I started to find them sitting in the kitchen longer, building something with pattern blocks before heading out for the evening.
I started playing and making more.
I found myself standing at the counter rolling bright and smooth clay into shapes instead of scrolling when I had a minute. In the evenings, my thirteen year old and I sat at the counter having a bedtime snack and quick sticker session instead of glancing up from my phone to say goodnight, we were making stuff again.
I’m not saying they stopped scrolling altogether, but that was never my intention. I am a big believer in letting kids have both. Screens and in-real-life play. And if we want kids to choose play, we need to make it as easy to start as it is on a device.
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