What I Really Think When I See Your Kid on a Screen at a Restaurant

teaching the skill of being at a restaurant- age by age/ what to do when things go haywire/ and the restaurant toys my family has used for years across every age and stage.

A few weeks ago, I was at dinner with my family in a crowded, loud spot, one of our favorites, overlooking the water. As we munched on warm rolls and butter and perused the menu, my eye caught on a young family next to us.

It was a mom, a dad, a grandma, and two kids, maybe 18 months and 4 years old.

The preschooler had been playing with a mermaid Barbie. It had the tattered hair and broken arm of a well-loved doll. She was pretending the Barbie was eating bread and she accidentally knocked over her cup of apple juice. It had a lid, but she hit it at an angle that knocked the lid off as it tumbled to the ground.

With that, the food arrived, baby brother started wailing from the high chair, and this poor mom looked like she wanted to hide under the table.

The grandma was clearly embarrassed, and began scolding the little girl, who then also started wailing. Dad pulled out his phone and an iPad and handed each child a device, while mom fed them.

When things were calm again, I watched a harried mom and dad lock eyes with one another, and it looked something like guilt passing over both their faces. They had seen two women across the room clock their table and exchange a look. They already had a mother-in-law judging them, and I wanted to run over and say everyone stop!! No one is committing a crime. Everyone here is doing the best they can. Give them a break.

If I see your kid on a screen at a restaurant, it tells me nothing about you as a parent. It’s one moment. One choice. Made for a million possible reasons that are none of my business.

It really gets to me when I hear parents ragging on other parents about this. We can do better.

When my kids were little, I was strict about no screens in restaurants. Maybe too strict. Looking back, I realize that what I cared about wasn’t the screen. It was whether they were building the skills to handle a restaurant without one. Those are two very different things, and I spent a long time confusing them. That took years. And it’s still not a judgment on anyone who made a different call, who has circumstances that are none of my business.

So here’s exactly what to pack, and how to teach restaurant skils, broken down by age and developmental stage.

The Full Restaurant Toy List + Age by Age: What to Pack and When to Use It: