You Don't Have to Be a Crafty Mom to Raise Creative Kids
Exactly what to leave out, by age, toddlers to teens for independent play/ the $22 flip flops I am loving/ a loose parts set I can't stop talking about/ June favorites
It was a muggy Friday night in late June, and we were hosting a handful of our teenagers’ friends for takeout Mexican food. Our order was taking longer than expected, and the kids were trickling in, so I cut up some watermelon, dumped a bag of chips in a bowl, put out some store bought guacamole and set them out on the counter. The kids poured themselves glasses of lemonade or grabbed cans of sparkling water from the drinks fridge, lingered around the kitchen island and chatted and snacked. They ate every last crumb and were still ready for dinner when it finally arrived.
You might be thinking, "Wow, Lizzie, novel idea. You put out snacks for kids to eat? Genius." (This is dripping in sarcasm, btw.)
This isn’t a story about food. Prep it, put it out, it gets eaten. Nobody’s surprised. But why don’t more people do this with toys and art supplies?
Because when we intentionally leave them out where everyone gathers, with no assignment attached, most people play. But very few families actually do it.
And when their kid reaches for a screen, or seems “uncreative,” they assume something’s wrong with their kid or their parenting when nothing’s wrong with either one. It’s just a logistics issue. Most kids haven’t been provided the conditions to self-start, or the practice of coming up with their own ideas.
Despite what it might look like online, I don’t set up crafts for kids. I set the conditions for play. There’s a big difference, and It’s a totally different job than running an activity.
Picture the whimsical summer craft you saw online: you buy the materials, set it all up, announce “time for art!” More often than not, your kids grunt and moan. Or, they excitedly run to the table, the vibes are high… Until one kid is whining about opening a plastic package that they can’t do themselves, another is hitting her sister and the toddler is covered in paint. Are we having fun yet?
There’s nothing wrong with your kids or with you. It’s the activity. Hear me out…
They have to learn a whole new set of rules, not spill the beads, follow someone else’s steps, the toddler can’t possibly follow the same steps as the first grader, and they’ve just spent a day of following rules at school or camp. It’s never as fun as it looked online.
Now picture a long sheet of blank paper with markers scattered across it, unannounced. No instructions. Your kids find it on the table in your backyard when they get home from camp and they’re eating a popsicle. It sparks their own ideas instead of someone else’s. That’s when they actually light up. There’s no packaging to open, and the toddler can use the same materials as your first grader.
We’ve been sold a version of good parenting that looks like the crafty mom: the one who does the projects, dotes on her kids, entertains them at all costs.
Her own money. Her own time. And a cost nobody talks about: kids who never learn to start something on their own, because someone was always standing by with the next idea.
I was lucky. I didn’t need years to figure out the alternative. I was a preschool teacher first, in a child-led school where I learned how to set the tables with open-ended materials before kids arrived so they could start on their own, no instructions, no hovering.
I built our home the same way: a self-serve art cabinet, the same way some families have a snack cabinet, and puzzles laid out on the table instead of boxed in a closet.
My kids are teens now, and they just finished their third 1000-piece puzzle of the summer. Nobody told them to. It was out, so they puzzled. If I had left it on a shelf in a box, they never would have reached for it.
I set the conditions for play. They showed up.
The rest of this post is for paid subscribers.
Here’s what you’ll find in the rest of this post:
Exactly what to leave out by age, and where in your house
Real examples from my own kids, toddler through teen
What to do if it’s not a home run the first time you try it
Some of my favorite finds from June- flip flops I wear everyday, a loose parts set I can’t stop talking about, my favorite shorts, sweatshirt and sunblock.
