3 Easy Steps to Manage Your Child’s Hitting

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Raise your hand if your toddler has ever hit another child at the playground or a birthday party⁣.
⁣
Just thinking about it, I can feel the heat rising up the back of my neck, heart-pounding, yuck that we all feel when our sweet little angel smacks the kid next to them. ⁣
It’s. the. worst.⁣
⁣
We’ve all been there.  All children go through this phase.  As a parent, it’s easy to think that this phase is a reflection of you.  It’s not; your child is still a good kid and you are still a good parent. 

Why Do Toddlers Hit?

All toddlers hit at some point. They are still learning how to express themselves with words. Oftentimes, when young children become overwhelmed by big emotions, they lose access to their newly acquired verbal skills. They go into fight or flight mode and start fighting. It is normal and natural. When your child starts hitting, use it as a cue to start introducing strategies for emotion processing.

As the parent, it is normal to have a lot of intense feelings about the hitting. It is okay to feel worried, anxious, and frustrated with your toddler. Try not to put your personal feelings into the equation. Those will only complicate matters and make the hitting worse. Process your feelings with another supportive adult.

Be on the same team as your child. Punishing your child for hitting will not prevent more hitting. Instead, anticipate the hitting and help them stop. If it is too hard to stop? That's a sign that it's time to leave and try again another day. Leaving is not a punishment. Your child is not bad. They need more time and support.

Steps to Take to Manage Your Child’s Hitting

Here are three steps to take to help this type of situation play out as smoothly as possible:

1. Stay calm 

Yelling and punishing will only escalate the situation. Instead, stay steady.

2. Be on the same team as your child

Instead, anticipate the hitting.  Stay nearby at the park or the party. Observe your child and coach them before they hit. (More on that later)

Sometimes your child’s feelings are unpredictable and it’s hard to detect when they might use hitting as an emotional release.  If you don’t catch it in time, that’s okay!  You are not a bad parent. 

Check out this blog post for ways to help your child work through frustrations and show them that there are other alternatives to hitting!

3. Leave with your child if needed

If your child is having a hard time stopping and keeps hitting, it’s time to leave.  Removing your child from the situation is not a punishment.  They simply need more time and support.  Let them know that they can try again another day. 

What to Say to Help Manage Your Child’s Hitting 

  • Instead of: That’s not nice! Hands are not for hitting!

Try:  I will not let you hit.

  • Instead of ignoring your child’s hitting, try:

I am going to stay close to you to help you stop hitting.

  • Instead of:  How do you think that made them feel?

Try:  Ouch. That hurt them.

  • Instead of:  You know better.  You know we don’t hit.

Try:  It is time to go.  We can try again another day.

Help your child to understand that the feeling that they are experiencing is valid and that it’s okay and normal to feel this way, but that hitting is not an okay way to express the feeling. 

I hope you enjoyed this blog! If you want to keep up with more Workspace for Children content, follow along on Instagram by clicking HERE.

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