Why We Said No to Homework And Yes to Our Kid (Plus the Exact Script You Can Use to Opt Out Too)

Homework isn’t sacred.
You’re allowed to say no.
Your family’s peace matters way more.

Some parents feel that in their bones, they’ve seen the meltdowns, the mood shifts, the tension at the dinner table.
Others aren’t sure yet. They’re just starting to wonder.

This post is for both.

Some nights, it was the math worksheet. Other nights, spelling.

But it wasn’t really about the assignment.

It was the vibe shift.

Even when the homework was simple…
Even when the child didn’t complain…
There was a subtle tension that crept in.

The quiet pressure. The change in energy.
The way evenings started to feel less like family time and more like another round of school.

We didn’t homeschool, but we did take a different approach.
(Read more on that here: “We Didn’t Homeschool But We Did This Instead”)

Here’s how I see it:

Healthy adults set boundaries around work and home.
We clock out. We cook, clean, connect, and rest.
That’s what makes us human, not machines.

Why wouldn’t our kids deserve the same?

I’m not modeling a life where you work all day and then come home to… work more.
That’s not good for growing brains. And it’s not good for grown ones either.

So, we opted out.

Not because we’re anti-school.
Not because we wanted to make a point.
But because we were finally honest about what our kid needed and what wasn’t helping.

I remember walking into a meeting with my daughter’s second-grade teacher.
She looked about my age, soft burgundy sweater, slacks, a warm but weary smile.
It was the end of a long day for her. I’d bet she still had soccer pickups, dinner, bathtime, and laundry waiting at home. I didn’t want to add to her load. But I knew I had to say something.

My second grader, bright, eager, sensitive, was spending her precious afternoons glued to reading logs and worksheets.

Instead of fall walks collecting pinecones and leaves, she was racing to finish her homework to win the “no missing assignments” prize.

Instead of playing with her siblings, painting, building forts, or making gluey collages, she was upstairs, focused, dutiful, working.

This was a kid who’d previously fallen asleep nightly with a book on her chest and a booklight lost in her bedsheets. But now, she stayed up late to finish reading logs, setting timers, switching lights back on, and recording minutes like it was her job.

She wasn’t even complaining. She liked homework.
She especially liked the teacher’s praise (and the prizes.)

Shouldn’t I have been thrilled? A kid who wants to do homework?

But I wasn’t.

Because I could see what it was stealing.
It was taking the only free time she had in her day to just… be a kid.

To bicker with her siblings.
To be curious and follow a hunch.
To wander the neighborhood with chalk on her jeans and a granola bar in her grubby little fist.

Instead, it was flashcards. And facts. And checkboxes.

Here’s what I know to be true:

Kids need time to play. A lot of it.
Play isn’t extra. It’s how they process the world.
It’s the most important learning they’ll ever do.

And here’s the part no one tells you:

Most of us already know when homework isn’t helping our kids.
We see it in the shutdown. The perfectionism. The tears.
We feel it in our gut, but we’re afraid to say it out loud.

You’re not imagining it.
You’re not being difficult.
You’re paying attention.

And you’re not alone.

Also? Many teachers agree.
I’ve heard from educators who:

Skip homework entirely with their own kids
Believe that after-school time should be for rest and play
Quietly cheer when parents advocate for their child’s mental health\

But they still assign it.

Why?
Because they’re mandated to.

This isn’t a teacher problem, it’s a system problem.
Most teachers are doing their best inside constraints they didn’t choose.

Which is why this next part matters:

The Script: How to Say “We’re Opting Out” Without Shame, Blame, or Side-Eyes

Want to feel confident saying no to homework while still being deeply respectful of your child’s teacher?

Here’s a 3-minute script:

Hi [Teacher’s Name], I wanted to check in quickly about something that’s come up at home.

We’ve noticed that after a full day at school, [Child’s Name] is really fried both emotionally and mentally. Even simple tasks feel like a struggle, and it’s creating tension in our evenings.

I know the homework is well-intentioned and meant to support what they’re learning. But right now, it’s having the opposite effect, adding stress and eroding their natural curiosity.

So we’ve decided, as a family, that we’re going to step back from homework for now. Our priority after school is emotional regulation, connection, and rest so [Child’s Name] can show up ready to learn the next day.

I completely respect your role and the time you put into planning. This isn’t about questioning your teaching; it’s just what’s working best for our family right now. We’ll still support learning at home through reading, play, and conversation.

I just wanted to be transparent and let you know. If anything ever feels urgent or like it truly needs follow-up at home, I’m always happy to hear that. But for now, we’re opting out of the routine assignments, with full respect and appreciation for everything you do.

This doesn’t have to be a confrontation.
It can be a conversation rooted in clarity, compassion, and care for everyone involved, including your kid’s teacher.

Not ready to opt out? That’s okay.
Just noticing what your child needs is powerful. Keep paying attention.
Keep asking questions. Keep an open mind. That alone is radical.

Did this hit home?
Restack this post so more parents feel seen
Forward it to a friend who’s been quietly wondering the same thing

Questioning the norm doesn’t make you wrong; it makes you awake.

x. Lizzie

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