Stop Stressing About Back-to-School...You're more ready than you think
A gentle guide to backpacks, lunches, clothes and shoes, minus the fear lists.
Every August, my feed fills up with “50 Things Your Kid Must Know Before Kindergarten.” Let me save you the scroll. Those lists are fear-based clickbait. Ignore them.
I sent three kids off to school for more than a decade, I taught preschool before that, and I wrote a book in this space. Your kid is wonderful exactly the way they are, and the only back-to-school prep that matters has nothing to do with ABCs or 123s.
I want to talk you out of is over-prepping your child because you are the anxious one. I have been there. So we are not drilling letters or frantically working on cutting with scissors.
Instead, I want you to take a deep breath and let it out slowly. It is August. Enjoy your kid, take walks, blow bubbles in the bath and read their favorite picture books to them. That’s the kind of connection that they will carry with them, and when kids have an attentive, sturdy grownup in their corner, they can pretty much do anything.
When I was in the classroom teaching threes and fours, I learned firsthand why it really does matter what your child wears to school, what lunch box they eat from, and which shoes are on their feet… I am not talking about top brands or trending clothes for your kids to fit in.
You know how I am always talking about building self-trust? Think of their clothes and gear as the first step toward confidence at school, without you there. Less: they look so cute!! More: They can pull down their own pants when they have to pee.
(But I am still me, a total sucker for cute kids clothes, and the ones I rounded up are cute AND functional. Those are coming, keep reading.)
Inside this post I’ll walk you through it, category by category, with what teachers wish you knew, and why it is okay if they pee their pants at school.
Backpacks
If their backpack is new, let them play with it for a few days. Have them wear it to the grocery store or put a water bottle and snack inside and go to the playground. Ask your child to help you carry something you might need at the park like a snack for you or some bandaids. The more familiar it feels to wear the backpack and have it do a real job, the more confident your child will feel about it on day one.
What teachers wish you knew:
Your child’s backpack is like a little portal to home. It has the things they’ll need for the school day, and it gives them a sense of ownership over those things in a way they’ve never had before.
Have your child practice opening and closing it and let them help you put their things inside. When they know what they have, they are more likely to help themselves.
Write their name clearly on the label inside so that they teacher can quickly identify it when your child can’t.
If they have a special picture of your family, laminate it and put it inside the backpack.
Things I want you to know as a mom of three big kids:
Skip the character themed backpacks, and get one that will last. I’d rather invest up front instead of buying a new backpack each year, because it is one less thing on my list. I love this collection below for 4-10 year olds. You can customize the backpack with removable patches, so when the puppy phase is over, and the soccer phase is new, you don’t need a whole new backpack.
ALL BACK PACK AND ACCESSORY LINKS: TAP IMAGE OR HERE
Lunch Boxes and Water Bottles
What teachers wish you knew:
Water bottles: pick a water bottle your kid can already open and close by themselves. Send in the old one they used at daycare or camp, familiar is better than new. If it leaks or it is too tricky to open, they will not drink from it, and their teacher probably won’t notice. Label it, and wash it more than you think you need to.
A few tips on lunchtime at school:
Lower your expectations and expect your child to come home hungry in the first few weeks. School lunch is mostly about being social and only a little about eating. If your child isn’t eating much at school, it is likely because they are trying to take it all in- new smells, sitting with all these kids, navigating a spot at the table. It’s a lot. Make eating at school as easy as you can, then let go of control. You are not there, and you cannot make them eat. Knowing that, make the after-school snack the real meal.
Use a simple lunch box that won’t be hard to open. Early in the year, cut everything up and unwrap what you can ahead of time. Peel the clementine, open the cheese stick, and put a slit in the pretzel bag to make the ripping easy. They don’t have much time to eat, so you don’t want them waiting with a hand in the air for a grownup to open their food. If your child struggles with opening things, talk with them about how to ask for help. If your child is great at opening things, talk with them about helping their peers.
Familiar, easy-to-eat foods. I loved cutting sandwiches into shapes and packing special lunches, but let me be so for real, that was about me. It was fun for me, and if my kids smiled, bonus. No one cares whether your child’s sandwich is shaped like a dinosaur. Literally no one. The teachers do not think you are a better mother for the fanciest lunch. Pack familiar food your child can eat on their own in a timely manner. The first weeks of school are not the time to experiment. Pack safe foods. They are stretching themselves in every other area, so give them an easy comfort win in their lunch box.
If you will be upset that they eat dessert and not their apple slices, don’t pack a dessert. Save it for when they get home. Pack foods you want your child to eat in any order they choose. If everything you pack is fine by you, it is fine for them to choose the order. Power struggle gone.
Use their lunch box at home. Show them what their lunch box with their name on it looks like. Let them open and close the latches and containers until they are comfortable. Have a dinner picnic at the park, bring it to a friend’s house, just let them have fun using it. No surprises on the first day. This is one unknown you can get in front of.
This is a personal hill I die on. Let’s not call food “good” and “bad,” “healthy” or “unhealthy.” You have no idea what the other children will be eating or why, and it is not your place or your child’s place to judge other people’s food. Food is food. Different families have different rules. The end.
ALL LUNCH BOXES, WATER BOTTLES, and ACCESSORY LINKS HERE
Shoes
When my oldest started preschool (he’s in college now), I bought the bright green froggy rain boots that he begged for in Target. By the third week of September, he was coming home with wet muddy socks daily. I got smart and bought the good boots. And they lasted through all three kids. (Get black so you can pass them down.)
What teachers wish you knew about footwear at school:
If they can’t get them on independently, don’t send them in them. Velcro and slip-ons aren’t lazy. They’re practical, and kids feel capable when they don’t need help at every transition.
Quick tip: when your child starts showing interest in learning how to tie, keep an old shoe in the backseat and let them practice on the drive. Worked like a charm for all three of my kids. And if tie shoes are something your child insists on, put in no-tie laces instead of regular ones.
ALL SHOES AND ACCESSORY LINKS HERE
School Clothes
What teachers wish you knew:
Send your child in things they can manage themselves. Pants they can pull down fast. Layers they can get on and off. Zippers they can manage, or at least try. That matters more than how they look.
One of my biggest fears when my oldest started preschool was that he’d pee his pants. I don’t know why, but it plagued me. He was potty trained, and I am a former preschool teacher, so I know wet pants are completely normal. But there I was, afraid my little guy would pee his pants because he couldn’t find the potty or couldn’t pull his pants down in time. We all have a thing.
If you have that same fear, know this:
The teacher will not judge you or your child for an accident. It is developmentally appropriate and it happens all the time. Tell your child ahead of time that if they have an accident, they can just ask a grownup for help, no biggie.
Pack extra clothes and wipes in the backpack. Let them help you pack it and show them what’s there. Even though they’ll need help, this helps them feel prepared and part of the process.
Button-fly jeans, while adorable, can lead to a pee-your-pants moment for a four-year-old who would have otherwise made it to the potty. Opt for pull-on, pull-off pants for preschool and save the cute outfits for the weekend.
I love styling kid clothes. I miss picking out kid clothes now that my littles are big and know more about clothing than I do. I had so much fun pulling this collection for you. TAP HERE FOR LINKS
That’s the end of my no-fluff, battle-tested list for getting your kids, and you, through back-to-school with fewer tears and better gear.
Send it to a parent staring down their own supply list and silently panicking. We do this better together. (And it helps me so much when you share!!)
And remember this, the real work right now is learning how to be at school: away from you, eating a new snack in a new place, finding a spot on the rug. They don’t have to know their letters, it’s okay if they cry, and it’s okay if you do too.
Coming for paid subscribers:
The gear is the easy part. The hard part is everything a shopping list can’t fix, and that’s where I’m headed next. Over the coming weeks, paid subscribers get the full playbooks:
The Mental Load + Invisible Work of back-to-school. The tabs you’re keeping open that no one sees, and how to close a few.
Routines That Don’t Collapse After Week 2. The after-school run of show, the snack-ready system, and simple sensory prompts.
Behavior, Emotions + Transitions. When school adjustment takes longer than you thought, and what to do about it.
My free posts change how you think. My paid posts tell you exactly how to do it, and what to do when it isn’t working. If you want the how, come inside.
x, Lizzie
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