What I said when my kids were bored (by age) that taught them how to fill their own time
My exact words for a 3 year old, a 7 year old, and my 13 year old with a new phone, what I do when boredom turns into destruction, and the day-plan list I taught my kids to write themselves
“I’m bored” gets the same answer at my house every time, and it’s not a suggestion list.
In this post:
Why “I’m bored” is really “I don’t know what to do next” (and why that’s not a problem to fix)
Word for word scripts for what I say when my kids are bored
What to do when boredom turns destructive: dumping bins, poking the dog, bugging siblings
Sometimes when kids are “bored” they are just… really uncomfortable.
They aren’t sure what to do next. And it makes sense. At school teachers tell them what to do, where to sit, and when to transition to the next thing. After school, most kids are in structured sports or activities. Their coaches and instructors tell them what to do and they do it.
At home, there are only so many hours in a day, and so parents, myself included, tell them to do their homework, get ready for dinner, it’s bath time, start the bedtime routine.
And on and on and on. There is always someone telling them what to do.
So then why are we surprised that when they have an unstructured moment, things get weird?
And, as parents, when our kids are bored, it makes us feel something uncomfortable too. Myself included.
Maybe I don’t play with them enough.
I should’ve signed them up for that extra enrichment class.
“Good parents” keep their kids busy, I better set up a project.
But here’s the problem…
If we don’t carve out the time for kids to be bored, they don’t get to practice figuring out what to do next when no one is telling them. They learn plenty at school and at soccer, but one thing they don’t learn there is how to start something on their own.
I kinda hate saying “hold space,” but in this case, it’s exactly what we need to do.
We need to literally reserve space on their calendars, and on ours, for them to be unscheduled. (I wrote more about this here)
Last year, I wrote a post about college kids who are shutting down after a setback and struggling to solve problems without involving their parents. They overthink every decision like it’s life or death. And none of us want that for our kids.
And that’s why when my own kids are bored, I am not giving them a list.
The rest is for my paid subs…
Not sure if a paid subscription is for you? Here is a free seven day trial on me.
