THREE TIPS TO BUILD YOUR CHILD'S FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE
/BUILD YOUR CHILD’S FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE
Guess what happened a second after I snapped this image?
Yup, her building crashed.... I’m thrilled to report that she actually laughed and then rebuilt it.
Didn’t miss a beat. On any given day, at any given moment, her reaction would certainly vary. But there’s one thing I know for sure.
Repeated opportunities to play with open ended materials give children a chance to practice coping with frustration. Sometimes buildings fall and they don’t come out they way they were expected to, and that’s..... GREAT!
It teaches our children to flex. We would all love to raise flexible thinkers and creative problem solvers. Who wouldn’t? So the next time you hear a big crash from the playroom and a loud wail of frustration out of your child’s mouth, remember, YOU are raising the future problem solvers of the world!!
READ MORE TO FIND OUT HOW TO BUILD FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE AND SUPPORT YOUR CHILD WHEN THAT BUILDING CRASHES AND THE TEARS START TO FLOW.
THREE TIPS TO HELP YOUR CHILD MANAGE FRUSTRATION
ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT HAPPENED:
Acknowledge her feelings of anger, sadness, and frustration. Often, our instinct is to say, Oh, honey, it’s not a big deal! or to distract from how they are feeling. I get it, seeing our children in pain is PAINFUL! Regardless of how bad it feels, resist the urge to pretend that it’s not a big deal. It is a big deal to your child, and should be treated that way.
You know that feeling when you spend an hour carefully folding laundry and the basket falls off the couch, crumpling all those clothes in a heap on the floor? It sucks and would feel even worse if your well meaning partner tried to blow it off by telling you that it’s not a big deal and that there is not reason to be upset.
EMPATHIZE WITH YOUR CHILD:
What CAN you do?
Try this: Bend down on your child’s eye level and look at their face. Mirror your face to match theirs.
Is he crying? “Oh man, you are really sad. You were working so hard on that castle and it all came crashing down.” Now wait. Be still and quiet. Sit with them in their grief.
Is she kicking and yelling? Being destructive? Bend down and offer your lap or arms to help contain your child and her very big feelings. “You look so angry. You are kicking and screaming and throwing your toys. You really did not want that building to fall. I can see how upset you are.” Now wait. Sit with them in their anger.
COLLABORATE ON WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT:
A few different things might happen here. You know your child best so take their temperament, development, mood into consideration.
First, think about this: Is your child tired or hungry? If yes, take care of that immediately. No one can problem solve when they are cranky, especially not a small child. It is okay to walk away from the situation and come back at it later on.
Allow your child to decide if they want to try again, or if they want to choose something else to do. I know that sounds obvious, but voicing that choice out loud can be powerful. Children have so little choice in their lives. Pointing out the choices that they do have is empowering and gives them back some control.
BONUS INFORMATION:
Self-refelection time… Take a few moments and think about how you deal with frustrations in your own life. Do you slam things? Yell? Pout? Maybe you take deep breaths.
Do you express your frustrations out loud?
Chances are, you definitely do. Our children are watching us and learning from every single thing we do. (Don’t panic. I have a tendency to drop f-bombs when I’m frustrated, and thus far, I have not witnessed this behavior from my kids… I’m working on it.)
Here’s a few more things you can do to help your child build her frustration tolerance:
Pepper lots of chat about frustrating feelings out loud throughout the day. Use small , everyday frustrations as opportunities to teach and learn.
“Argh! I am so frustrated! I dropped the last egg on the floor and now I need to make a second choice for what to eat for breakfast.”
“How frustrating! The zipper keeps getting stuck on your jacket. I wonder if you’ll choose a different jacket or keep trying with the one you are wearing.”
“Honey, I noticed that you were getting frustrated when your drawing wasn’t coming out the way you wished it would. I watched you and you tried three times and then it finally worked!!”
Last thing…. Repeated experiences with the SAME basic, open-ended materials will allow your children to master their experiences and work through frustration. Never underestimate the power of repeatedly putting out the same activity over and over again. DO NOT fall into the trap of reinventing the wheel.
Your child’s mind is perfectly capable of reinventing things all by itself.
My Favorite Picture Books About Frustration:
